Of Family, and Of Home
by keeperofthetardis
Summary: One-shot, post-Hunt fic. "Fierce. They are fierce for each other… going to great extents to save the other from pain, if they can. And that is how their embrace is. Fierce with relief, and comfort, and no small amount of angst."


**A/N: Hello all! I was reading a lot of post-Hunt fics, and realized that a lot of people were figuring that Beckett would be really angry with Castle if they had a discussion afterwards about all that took place. I am more inclined to think that the lovely scene we got at the end of the episode showed a lot of trust and growth on the part of the characters, and is an indicator that they wouldn't necessarily end up fighting if they were to have a discussion afterwards. I started writing, and this one-shot was the result.**

**This is only my second Castle fic - and reviews are greatly appreciated. Let me know if it seems in character! **

* * *

He tells them… tells them what he told Alexis overnight in the US Embassy. The truth… about his dad, about what happened when they met, and about how his dad still loves them, and saved their lives.

Somehow, he knows this is deeper than any of them realize. There's so much he didn't get to ask. So much. Yet he finds himself doing the same thing as his father did… he answers their questions about Jackson Hunt, but shields them from the answers he thinks might be dangerous to them. He's a protector. Strong. Brave. And he can see it in their eyes that they understand.

They all sit down and eat pancakes which Kate and his mother have made, but before he does so, he brings the copy of Casino Royale to his office and gently places it on the desk, stroking the cover for a moment. His dad touched that. His dad touched it and now he gets to touch it as well. He smiles, a brief, warm smile. When he looks up, he sees Kate leaning on the doorframe of his office, watching him with a soft expression on her face.

"I'm just…" he fumbles for words. He's not sure what he's doing, exactly.

"It's alright, Castle," she smiles, "I understand."

She does. She, of all people, does understand. There are unspoken words he thinks he will have to draw out of her later, but not now. Now, the two of them link hands and walk together back to the table, scoot each other's chairs closer to one another, and he nestles in between Alexis and Kate, with his mother on the other side of Alexis. Pancakes have never tasted so wonderful in all his life, and the chocolate smiley faces on them reflect his heart at the moment. There will be time for doubts, and fears, and reflections later. But for now, he is content to sit surrounded by his family.

Family. Alexis, his mother… Kate. That's what they are. The most valuable thing in the world, to him.

* * *

Kate goes back to the precinct at noon, with the promise that she'll return a little after 5 in the evening. She presses a kiss to his lips before she leaves, and takes a small moment to stroke his hair, and whispers,

"See you tonight, Castle. Enjoy your time with Alexis. You've earned it."

"Thank you. I will," he murmurs, "stay safe," and strokes her cheek with his thumb.

She laughs,

"It's just paperwork."

"Still…" he replies, and there's a seriousness in his eyes that conveys his wrought up emotions.

"I will," she promises, and gives his hand a squeeze, before leaving and going to the precinct.

The hours tick by, and the paperwork is laborious. Ryan and Esposito, like the faithful brothers they are, ask about Castle and Alexis as soon as she arrives, and she fills them in on a few of the details, leaving out the part where Castle had met his father. He had made it clear that she couldn't share that with anybody else.

Eventually, her hours of paperwork are finished, and she packs up and heads back to her own apartment. She's been wearing her work clothes all day long, and takes the time to change into more comfortable jeans, sneakers, and a sweater, then, she heads over to Castle's loft.

Castle, Alexis, and Martha are in the living room playing Jenga when she arrives, and she joins in the game. They go two out of three games, and Alexis wins. They all eat dinner together, and Castle starts a fire in the fireplace, and they watch a bit of television.

At around ten o'clock, Martha exclaims that she's going to get ready for bed. She hardly slept the night before… none of them slept very well. Alexis decides that she is tired as well, still exhausted from the trauma of the past few days. So Castle carries Alexis's suitcase up to her room (a suitcase full of things they brought back from Paris – both necessary and frivolous), and Kate does the dishes while she leaves Castle to talk with his daughter.

She finishes the dishes, and decides to use the bathroom. When she comes back out, she sees Castle has sat down on the couch again, turned the lights down to only one small lamp, and is staring at the fireplace as it crackles, and casts it's golden glow over everything.

He looks up and meets her eyes.

"Hey, Castle," she says, quietly, with a smile.

"Hey," he says in return, and keeps on staring at her.

"Is Alexis in bed?" she asks, and he nods.

"Yes. And I checked. The windows are locked… there's no monsters under the bed, and she's got a walkie-talkie on her nightstand if she needs me." He points over to the end table where he has placed his own walkie-talkie.

Kate grins at this. She has loved the father in him since she first saw him interact with Alexis. And he was right. It had always made her want him.

She watches as different expressions and emotions flicker over his face. At first he grins back, but then, his smile fades, and he looks away from her. She can see the dull gleam still in his eyes… that fear. The feeling that no matter what he does, it can never be quite enough. He'll never know if they're truly safe again… if the people he loves are safe again.

She can't handle the amount of sadness in his eyes. It's not even that he's sad. Because he's so happy… so content to be home, and with the people he cares about again. It's that he's vulnerable. So she crosses over to where he sits on the couch, and crawls into his arms, onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck, and pressing her face to his shoulder, and holding him close as she feels him breathe a long, tremulous breath. He wraps his arms around her, very, very tightly, and takes in deep the scent of cherries in her hair.

Fierce. They are fierce for each other… going to great extents to save the other from pain, if they can. And that is how their embrace is. Fierce with relief, and comfort, and no small amount of angst.

However, that fierceness turns to a soft warmth between them. He settles his arms secure around her, and she settles her head in the crook where his neck meets his shoulder. He nuzzles his face in her hair for a moment and settles for pressing a kiss to her forehead, before he rests his cheek atop her head.

"I'm so glad you're ok," she whispers, reiterating her words to him from earlier. She doesn't mean emotionally. She knows him well enough to know that he's far from alright, and that it will take time for him to recover from all that's happened. But he's alive, unharmed, and that is more than she had dared to hope for.

He nods, and kisses the top of her head again. She shuts her eyes, and is silent for a moment… thinking about how to best continue their conversation.

"I'm sorry," he blurts out, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was leaving. I'm sorry I went without you. I'm sorry I didn't call you enough."

Those are words she needs to hear. But it's like when he first walked back through the door of the loft. She doesn't need long drawn out apologies to accept his repentance. She just needs his quiet assurance. And she tells him why.

"I understand," she says. "It's alright. I hated every second of it," she winces, and continues, "but I… it was like watching myself."

"What?" Castle says, confused, and she can feel the tenseness working its way through his muscles.

"You were so scared, so close… to the case. To Alexis… I was watching you spin out of control, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was like… I didn't exist. And I know we're different in many ways, but for the first time I understood what it must be like to watch someone from the outside… experiencing that," she paused, "terror."

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

"I'm sorry, Kate," he says again.

"I don't want you to be sorry," she says.

"You don't?" he replies.

"No. I just want you to stay. And if you ever have anything like this happen again, I need to be there."

His breath hitches on the way she says 'need'. He steels himself.

"I thought… I thought you'd be angrier with me."

"I was," she replies, simple, and matter of fact. "But I was angrier at myself. For not realizing you would go and do that. For not staying with you… for not doing more to help you. And when you answered your phone and then a minute later the shot went off… I thought… I thought you had died," she says. Her voice goes very soft, at the end.

He's not sure how to take that. Of course, he was a bit preoccupied with getting forced into the car by a strange man, who had turned out to be his dad, and also trying to keep track of a three million dollar briefcase. It was only afterwards that he realized that she must have thought… how she must have felt. But by then he was in the process of their plan to rescue Alexis… running… escaping… rescuing… running…

He know what it's like, to hear the gunshot. To think, even for a short time, that your partner, the person you care most about, is dead. He knows what it's like to have your soul ripped apart and stomped upon and what it's like to feel like you're bleeding out internally… in your heart.

And there was nothing she could do. There was literally nothing she could do, and he is so, so sorry.

"Kate," he says and her name comes out all shaky, and broken from his lips.

"I brought my phone to tech… had them analyze that clip. They concluded that the shot hadn't been to you, or else there would have been more air time… it was just to the phone. There was no way of knowing if you were hurt or not… but at least it gave me hope."

He holds her to him, and whispers apologies, again and again.

"I understand, Rick, I do," she says, but now he can feel just a few drops of wetness where her face meets his neck; he can feel those tears, and his heart breaks when she says, "but how can you bear it? How can you bear not knowing… when I'm in harm's way, whether I'm dead or alive… or…"

"I've had practice," he says, and the sentence is heavy with meaning. Four years of practice before she finally stopped running away.

Their words are what they both need to say, but not what they need to hear.

So instead she opts to wrap her arms around his neck again, and he opts to whisper into her hair his reassurances that he's here, and he's alive, and he won't leave her.

They both draw from a desperate comfort that only the other can give. They both let a tears fall, but they fall quietly.

When they both manage to still the sobs that threaten them both, she runs her hands through his hair, and he brushes her cheeks with his thumbs, wiping tears away. He presses his forehead to hers.

"I'm just so happy to be home," he says, quite out of the blue.

She smiles.

"Me too," she says, and he smiles back, and an understanding grows between them. For once, they each know what it's like to be in each other's place. To feel that fierce need to protect the other, and the things that matter to them, despite the consequences.

He kisses her. She comforts him. And they speak of family, and home, and love, and all of a sudden, she is filled with sudden joy.

"Castle?" she says, in a laugh, as she caresses his neck.

"Yes?"

"You came home."

He smiles at the love in her voice, and holds her close again.

"Always," he whispers.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! Do review! :D


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